As many of you may not have heard, I had the baby. Her name is Melody Ann, she was 7 pounds and 10 ounces at birth, and she was born via emergency cesearean section due to her heartrate dropping 3 times in labor. Yes, I cheated with the epidural and c-section. At least she's here and healthy! That's all I care about!

A friend of mine asked what I wanted for Christmas, and after a lot of thought I realized something... I don't care about me anymore. I have one pair of pants right now that fit, I hardly eat but for when I need the energy to keep going (darn lack of sleep T_T), and all I care about is Mellie's safety and happiness. I even had to admit I needed help and had to get food stamps (welfare food vouchers) in order to get groceries for Gian and myself (even though we don't eat a lot). It's so strange how, during all my school years, I only watched out for Number One and close friends, and now... It's like my whole world is bundled into this swaddled angel that needs me more anything else, even just for a kiss on the cheek so she will go to sleep. It's funny how being a parent puts everything into perspective. I need to think how I'm going to teach her to crawl, to walk, to talk, to tie her shoes, to be nice to kids at school, all about Santa Claus and other urban myths, and how to take responsibility for her actions and the consequences that come with. I'm tearing up just thinking about how much I love her, and how nothing in this world matters more to me. Another one of my friends (another aunt of hers) had her birthday party today, and my brother offered to watch Melody for an hour or two while I went and said my happy birthdays and relaxed for a little. I sat there the whole time thinking about her and wondering what she was doing and where her hands were while she was sleeping... That's another funny thing. Her sleeping, eating, and observation habits intrigue me to such a point that I just like to sit there and watch her for hours on end. It's like I don't want to miss ANYTHING that happens, at all, whatsoever.

There's a song I heard on the radio the other day... "You're gonna miss this, You're gonna walk this path, You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast..." It's entirely true. Looking back on my life, I remember when Lord of the Rings was the only thing that I was interested in reading, Yu-Gi-Oh! was the only game I played, my sisters were the only friends I had, and orchestra was the only thing I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Even when I met Gian 3 1/2 years ago, all I wanted out of life was a car, a driver's license, and the freedom to take the road trip my sisters and I planned to take across the US. When I heard our "friendship song" in Wal-Mart the other day, I started to cry. I started to realize that my teenage years are over and that a whole new life awaited me, and it was sitting in the car seat in my hands. I thought about her two aunts in the Navy, the one that is in college across the state, and her other aunts that live close, but that I don't get to see that often. I thought about how we often talked about never being apart from each other and never having enough time to hang out and role play. I guess that's why I started crying the other day and couldn't stop for about 4 hours. I hadn't realized how little I thought about how much I valued my sisters and the memories we will always have our time together, all the last 7 years... And we will all be together for the Christmas season, too. That was the answer to my friend's question. Her and the rest of my family, together for the holidays. That's what I wanted for Christmas.